6.23.2017

i listen to martha my dear approximately four and a half times a day.

Perfect score on 63.2, LG. Pretty easy section–finished with a couple minutes to spare. Went back and did the last passage of 63.4, RC, that I didn’t get to yesterday. Took it untimed and in no rush for a clean -0.

Score breakdown PT63:

63.1 (LR): -1

63.2 (LG): -0

63.3 (LR): -3

63.4 (RC): -7 (-1*)

-11 (-5) overall

170 (175)

Not counting the LR BR in my (BR) score cuz it wasn’t done solo. If I did count it, I come out to a 180, and equating myself w/ that number feels hella disingenuous.

Attempting PT 74 tomorrow.

*damn you, Kate Chopin!

 

6.22.2017

2 x 35 min sections this afternoon. 63.3 (LR) and 63.4 (RC). BR w/ Kurt per usual. Still no Tara.

-3 in LR, which is meh. Coupled with my -1 from yesterday, it’s not too bad of an overall LR score, but it’s not where I want to be. Missed an easy weaken question early on. Feelsbadman. Kurt went -0.

RC was a shit show. I only got through the first 3 passages. With that said, only went -1 on the first 21 questions. The speed will come–just gotta keep telling myself the speed will come.

Notes for future reference:

  • Be more confident in RC.
    • You are smart. Your first intuition is usually correct (w/r/t RC)
    • . And you are probably just as likely to get a question right (or wrong) after 30 seconds as you are after 3 minutes
      • Read all the answer choices, but be ok with being unsure. Be confident.
  • Drill Sufficient Assumption
  • Drill Parallel Reasoning
  • Keep drilling weakening

 

6.21.2017

Just finished BRing 63.1, LR, w/ Kurt. Tara was a no-show oh noooooo. Her loss.

Went -1.

The only question I missed was #21, a parallel reasoning question. It was definitely the most difficult question of the section, but in my defense Kurt called when I was still in the middle of the question (once I realized it was PR, I skipped it and moved on; came back once I finished the rest of the q’s) and probably had about two minutes left. Had my phone on airplane mode like usual, but my laptop started ringing, haHAA. SUCKWS RFOR KIRK

Not saying I would’ve gotten the correct AC, but not saying I wouldn’t’ve, either. I can get better at PR.

Overall, a easy-medium section.

Feels good to do things well.

Tomorrow 63.3 & 4. (No need to BR logic games, lol).

 

6.19.2017

Spent all of my time after work playing Has Been Heroes. It’s more addicting than BotW, and I think I like it too much.

This means no studying happened.

I don’t want to give myself over to video games. I don’t want that to be my life. And yet just last night I spent all my free time playing video games? A disconnect. Perhaps a lack of autonomy, fleshbag. An indication, a gentle reminder from the universe, that you are still a human being, and struggle.

The anxiety hit me when I was trying to sleep. Why was my brain stimulated electric unstopping mechanical FUCK? I know the answer.

And now the next day at work (writing this on the 20th) I’m a bit sluggish bit slow bit tired thinking why did I choose to play four hours of Has Been Heroes instead of study for an hour and play three hours of HBH? Am I still shook from Saturday’s mishap w/r/t PT72? Don’t I still dream about law school? How bad, really, do I want this?

Shh.

It’s okay. Learn from your experience. Let the past be your teacher.

It’s okay to wear a fish in your hair.

A Sketch

If you could take the day by the hand

even now and say Come Father

calling it by your own name

it might rise in its blindness with all

its knuckles and curtains

and open the eyes it was born with

                                 -W.S. Merwin, “The Day”

 

 

I am fifteen years old and might as well be five. The most difficult thing I have ever done is read the part from Anne Frank’s diary where she’s talking about puberty out loud in front of my eighth-grade English class without laughing. I am wearing a t-shirt from The GAP and orange khaki pants that have a zipper at the knees that if I unzip turns them (the pants) into orange khaki shorts. I am fifteen and taller than all of my teachers and goofy with one droopy eyelid and conspicuously, grotesquely, virginal.

I am bored. I have been bored since second grade when they started putting me in the third grade math class in Another Room with Third Graders I corrected Mr. M’s error on the chalkboard. I am fifteen and bored sitting at a comically small desk thinking about second grade and was I born in the wrong city to the wrong family in the wrong era of history?

I am fifteen and bored, with a slight boner, thinking about the girl across the room and imagining her body naked. I have been watching pornography regularly ravenously on the computer ever since sixth grade when a friend said something about 69 at the lunch table and I didn’t know what it was so when I got home from school I googled it, and so I know what a real naked girl might look like, I think.

I am fifteen and bored and my package has just arrived. I have very little idea what William Burroughs is about but I had my mom buy me The Yage Letters on Amazon. It’s finally here. I am fifteen and what is Moloch! Moloch! or capitalism? but I’ve been on the Wikipedia page for DMT and ayahuasca and marijuana and I like Ginsberg and so mom bought me The Yage Letters. Mom has no idea what DMT or ayahuasca are. She may or may not know about Wikipedia. We both have no idea how marijuana smells.

 

I am seventeen years old–not five–with a droopy eye and somehow still getting taller, still getting taller wow, the doctor says, you must really be pretty good at swimming.

I am not really pretty good at swimming, but thanks but I think I have ADD or something. I’m not sure. I’m always bored and restless and can’t pay attention to the chalkboard and the teachers are dumb and I keep getting up out of my comically small desk or staring out the window.

Secretly I’ve known that I have attention deficit disorder ever since last spring when I scooped some Adderall XR for the SAT. After I took that pill I just knew. Talking to the doctor, though, I omit the part about my clandestine SAT doping; telling her would just complicate things.

I am seventeen with a slight boner at a comically small desk sneakreading Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason while my civics teacher teaches. It is much more difficult than Plato’s Republic. One reason I like the ADD medicine is it makes my eyelid feel less droopy. It doesn’t actually make the eyelid less droopy, but it makes it feel that way. In four years, I will come to have a visceral, phenomenological understanding of the word ‘delusion.’

And I am seventeen on a drug I conned the doctor for sitting at a comically small desk, desperate for ayahausca and Truth and, most of all, sex.

Outside, the sky is a dark grey. Anyone who is paying attention can tell it’s going to storm soon.

6.18.2017

Cousin and cousin wife visit ATX ^_^

Fun timez.

No prep today. After a traumatic experience with PT72 Saturday morning, I’m cooling my jets. That’s an idiom. It means I’m chilling like a villaing. It means I’m take my roll into both hands and, in whatever capacity I can, slowing it.