yes it’s all been done before and other people can write better than you and shit is cliche–and yet but what

Blergh. Feeling kinda down way down in the dumpster like really fuckin down there like beneath all the dripping diarrhea of weekold trash and not sure why. Maybe the -5 on yesterday’s LR section, maybe spending too much time on twitter, maybe just bored at work.

??.

Got to get my spit together for Peace Corps clearance. Need prints of these fingers.

need something other than this Coke Zero. Feel strange when my 30 y.o. coworkers start talking about partying on a Tuesday night and going to Colorado to smoke the weekend away. Feel strange when I realize I’m the only one who feels strange about such conversations taking place. These people all seem so…unaffected….

and mirthful

how

it was strange to read the cover story of the Economist’s 1843 Magazine. Micro-dosing and creativity. Admittedly always wanted to microdose lsd. Not sure that it increases creativity and have cried a lot on lsd and but still so why the desire?…

Reading brave new world (finally) after getting an A in Modern European Intellectual History freshman year without reading it though reading it was required. required for what exactly. eudaimonia always again eudaimonia and wonder: how prof. bernstein is doing he really liked my essay on hegel.

feeling shit about skeezing my way through college with vyvanse and unreality and literally ingesting soma daily sometimes often more than daily–well not literally soma–but literally it’s the same thing (KIND OF haha??) and now i want to be pure i will be pure like that one bright eyes song

except maybe microdosing lsd one day

silly goal little idealist cute kid cute idealism

been listening to some old ones

Maybe spending too much time reading Top-Law-Schools forums reading posts of kids that got 4.0s in UG reading stories of their incredible prestigious amazing accomplishments and can’t help thinking I really screwed the pooch man I really could’ve I really could’ve I really could’ve been… everything

And yet but think in some very real sense what I have overcome

cannot be denied and the camus quote about the invincible summer and yeah yeah–yes, it’s all been done before and other people can write better than you and shit is cliche and feeling is cliche especially existential feeling oh please and the truth is that what you have to say is not profound in the least–and yet but what?

a pause and a breath

that ineffable peace escaping (returning…)

silly blog cute blog (SHUT THE FUCK UP haha)

that yaweh of the self looking out at the self with my ass on the sand

can i be the ocean with such waves?

i do miss the ocean

 

 

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