you are good

what does it mean to why do i keep what the fuck. chill. chill man can’t you be chill. like them. nothing. remember that time. dude that is so stupid. haha. her face. what. worried you smoke too many cigarettes. jesus why do these people listen to such bad music. where is he I need a cigarette fuck. why is she. you still got it champ. beer bongs are great. something to smoke. remember that time. i am hunter s. kerouac. this is it. fuck that. i want sex her. where is weed. hahahahaha. have to piss. you are grotesque fuck mirrors. vonnegut soul. is he coughing now on a bathroom floor. bob is crazy. this shit is crazy man. where is carl. where is she. can’t believe we’re here. fuck belief. another cigarette. outside is better. kerouac died from liver cancer. this shit is awful. stop being lame. you are good. what does it mean to why do i keep what the fuck. these people are so god damn boring. nothing. weed for everyone here. good shit man. remember that time. twenty one years old wow. how did you get here. you still haven’t started that thing. what will you do tomorrow. nothing. shit is getting out of control. no taste beer. stop staring. go talk. or was it cirrhosis. who wants a cigarette. colorless piss small dick in the cold. better cirrhosis than a shotgun to the dome. maybe not. chill. why is she and what does it mean to why do i keep. this shit is crazy. fucking this music and everyone. you’re stilling stare. is kicked that. remember time that and yes so why doesn’t this feel like it used to and why doesn’t this feel like it used to and why doesn’t this feel like it used to and why don’t you feel like you used to and why don’t you feel like you used to and why don’t you feel like you used to and why aren’t you what you used to be?

9 March

Can you feel the wind, Madam Psychosis.

Can I lift your veil.

I sweat daily during the commute and feel my sweat.

And are you still arguing against the ontological status of numbers?

I saw you twice once in some astral state where

there was never wind and you said to me this

is where you will come to die this is where you come to die.

But now in the spring the trees

genuflect.

It is time to lift your veil.

 

22 February

Wake. Breathe with the nose through the nose. Nine months ago your left nostril. You couldn’t breathe through your left nostril. Maybe all of the snorting of the drugs or maybe not who can say.

But now feel the breath. Awake, unhungover, a quick gratitude for the nostril and the breath.

Wake and immediately roll over and grab your phone and immediately check your messages without even thinking to yourself now it is time to immediately roll over and grab my phone and check my messages, this is what I want to do, check my phone, after first breathing.

Instinct, like breath. Is it addiction or compulsion, with the phone after waking, and just what is the difference between use and abuse, who can say.

All good change requires deliberation. Liberate, deliberate, breathe. The gravity  of the phone like the gravity of the pills. Wake, and feel it.